Dear Diary
by Mrs. Nick J' Ashley 'N' Amy
Summary: Take a peek into Troy Bolton, Sharpay Evans and Gabriella Montez's diary's. A funny collection of oneshots.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a ONESHOT!...Hey its Amy and Amy ONLY writing this by myself and this is dedicated to Sarah590! YOU ROCK SARAH! Its an attempt to make you all laugh. (lol) Read and enjoy Troy's diary. **

Dear diary,

Today me and the gang played "Wheres Waldo?"

I found waldo hiding in my closet...I beat the shit out of him and stapled him to the floor. It turns out waldo was Dr. Philly in a waldo coustume. He told me not to use my anger with staples...so I stapled his mouth shut.

After that Zeke inspired me to bake. But it didn't work out to well. I tried baking an omlet and it make out as a pile off egg. So I made scrambled eggs. Zeke tried them and he threw up. But hey, you know what I always say: Never trust a skinny chef cause the home frys come from fat Bill-AY

You know whats weird? My aunt is psychic and she is dirt poor. You know you never see a headline "Psychic Wins Lottery". So if they are psychic why can't they win the lottery?

Ready I have a joke for you... Say "Hi" and when your done saying hi out loud coutinue to read.

Auto Response from Troy Bolton (2:34:05 PM): I am an alien from a faraway galaxy. I have transformed myself into this away message. As you are reading this, I am having sex with your eyeballs. I know you like it because you're smiling.

Ain't dat funnier then the fact that my dad pee's at 3:00 AM everyday?!

Yeah it is!

Anyway's my parents told me that I am "Retarded"...yeah right. My dad treats me like a baby he told me this weird joke. It goes like this, "What color is a burp?"

And I said I didn't know so my dad said "Burple."

At first I didn't understand but then I started laughing and I wet myself. My dad yeld at me for peeing on the floor. So I cried. Then he felt bad so he told me another joke. He asked me why 6 was afraid of 7 and then he said "Cause 7, 8, 9."

I got scared. Why would a number eat another number? It freaked me out. Its like saying why was Gabriella afriad of Sharpay...Cause Sharpay ate Taylor. I mean, imange sharpay swalling Taylor?! _Its scary_.

Well, I gotta go now, I have to sacrifice myself to the refrigarator gods to and/or pay the rent for my pregnant teenage girlfriend or get out of an aragnged marrige.

JK, JK.

Wow, I hate writing it capitols, its difficult.

Lol.

Anyways, I have a birthday party to go to and I want an end slice of the cake!

For Now,

Troy Bolton...

**Did you guys think it was funny? I hated it. If you thought it was funny i'll update it. **

**Amy :-D **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This is now a COLLECTION (ooooh ahhhh) of one-shots from the whole East high Cast**

**Sharpay's 6 (she cant sopell so lay off!)**

Dear Diarykinz,

Today mommmm brought me a new shirt! Stoopid Chad wrecked it! Grrrr Chaaaaaaaad! Why does that stupid boy wreck my life? Well hers the story!

Chad was playing with Troy... OH TROY! He's soooo drrrrrrrrrreamy! He makes me mealt! Ok bac to the story!  
Chad was playing with TroyBoy and I was playing with Ryan. Ryan went over to Chad and leafed me alone!  
Ryan is stoopid! He nos I don't lik to be alone! Sooooo, I went over to them. Chad said go away so i gotta more anger! Grrrr! I got a littul too angry!

I attack Chad.

Haha Chad cry like girl! I only bit him once! Chad fought bac! He rip my prittee pink sleeve!

Ms. Darbbubu pulled him away. We got time out. Stoopid Ms. Darbbubu. She doesn't lik it when I call her that.  
Other boys tink it's funnee.

Like Troy. 3 Isnt that pretty heart!!  
I tink thats how you spell pretty. Ms. Darbub- I mean Darbus said I shouldn't spell it prittee but anotha way. I think Pretty?

Melanie is big baby! I tink Troy love Melanie. I dont lik it when Troy love other girl. TROY IS TO B WIT ME AND ONLY MEE!  
ME ME ME!

OOh I have SHirt that says that.

Shirt that wasn't ripped by Sparkle Boy... I mean Ryan.

He rips my shirts too! My older sister Ashley Michelle **(A/N: Not me... Ash Tisdale lol)** wears tight shirt. WHen her friendboy Zac came over to help Baby sit when Mommy and Daddy went to dinner. Corbin was aslo there. Corbin said he liked tight shirts on Ash. Zac said he liked her better without shirt. Ashy giggled then played tougue wars with Zac.  
Corby got jealous. He want Ash. I tink when boys like girls when they lik them shirtless. I aske Troy if he lik me better with shirt or no shirt. He said he would have to c to find out. I tried to show him but Ms. Darbus saud that was called... ummmmmm... Strapping?

Back to Melanie.

Melanie was Troys reading partner. Chad was mine. Grrr Chad. I told Ry to eat Chad but he tried and couldn't get Big hair in his mouth. Ms. Darbus put them in time out. So I had no Chad partner so I had to join Melanie and Troy's group.

Yayyyy! Booo! (Yay fior Troy Boo for Melanie.)

We toke turns reading. I pulled my chair close to Troy. Melanie did to. I ahd to get rid of Mel.

I said TROY IS MELON YOUR NEW EST BESTFRIEND

Melanie started to cry.

I didn't no her name was Melanie... I thought it was Melon.

I got Time out and Troy and Melanie were together.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I will get my Troy.

Defeat Melan.

And eat Chad

XOXO

SHARPAY EVANS


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Chad is 14**

Dear Diar- I mean journal,

Maxx the coolerzs older brother said diaries aren't coolerzs. So i shall call it a journal.

OMG, I hate that word. It's so addicting. It comes up everywhere.

Examples of OMG:  
OMG, I forgot to bring pickles  
OMG OMG YOU GUYS! LOOKS LIKE chad's GONNA WIN THE PRIZE!!  
(The prize is my sweet darling!)  
OmG, OmG, OmG!  
Omg, I should stop staying OMG!

Today is my 34th day of being 14.  
It's Sharpay's 1st.  
Sharpay.  
I Love that girl.  
WHY DOESN'T SHE SEE?  
THE REAL ME!  
I'm not just a walk-by girl- ergh, I mean boy.

I mean COME ON!  
Why, _wouldn't _she love me?  
According to this list I made we have more then a few reasons to be together forever:

We both love her.  
We both have lushicious, soft, shiny hair.  
We both enjoy reading TeenStarSecrets magazine!  
We both hate Taylor and Geekey Gabbers!

Why didn't she invite me to her party?!

Why?

Why did she invite Troy.

I heard they played...  
SPIN THE BOTTLE which lead to TRUTH OR DARe which lead to gulp 7 MINUTES IN HEAVEN!  
I heard Sharpay and Troy had gulppyer gulp 51 minutes in heaven... in her bedroom.

Omg, I love that Sweet Baby, but DAMNNN! Girl got some action at 14! Wow, I like sounding gay! Teehee. But, I'm not!

Reasons why people think I'm Gay:

My fluffy, beautiful afro.  
I named my basketball Tiffany. I love her. Kiss to you Tiff!  
I read TeenStarSecrets Magazine (Only cuz my lovely-flummy-vummy-chummy-loofa-banana-monkey-poo-noo-boo Sharpay does!

I wonder if Sharpay likes Sharpies! If Sharpay would be a pink sharpie. I would be a black sharpie-- I'm secretly emo!

LoL! JK MY BUDDY BIFFLE DIARYKINZY!

Why do this freakin' people think I'm Gay?! Maybe I could cut down on the OMG's, Jk's, LOL's.

But that's my trademark, byotch! Haha! Does saying Byotch make me gay!? Omg does doing !? make me gay!?

Oh no! Maybe I should get a sex change to Matilsad and start hangin' with Sharpay and hey CCCCCC girls!

LOL IDK WHAT THE CCCC is! I love it though.

Goshers I gotsa be more manly. Oh well! I like who I am! I AM ME! A BUMBLE BEE! YEAH YEAH YEAH! Me and Sharpay are gonna take it to the bed then take it to the floor. Then shake it all around and make some love some maore. Those are the lyrics to Sexy Can I. I think. I'm not gonna with lyrics! OOH LOW IS ON THE RADIO! SHORTY HAD THEM APPLE BOTTOM FROGS AND THOSE PUPPIES WITH THE FUR! Wait... sooorryyyyyy biffles! It's webcams with the ringertyyupsd!!#!23891489829382438437473778437883834489 AHHH IM SPAZIZING.

That was interesting. I'm gonna write a song.

I lo-o-o-o-oveith you Shar Shar Shar PAYYYY

OHHH SHARPAY

OHHH SHARPAY

You are my little schmooze!

IDK WHAT THAT MEANS!

LETS GET SOME BOOZE!

AND WEAR STYLISH JEANS!

Haha, I got talent yo!

Really, I do. In second grade... I ate a WHOLE ANTELOPE! Wait-- Antelope is a cutey deer! I MEAN CANTELOPE-- I DON'T EAT CUTEY DEER! DON'T HATE ME ANIMAL LOVERS... I'M STILL SINGING LOVE.

Bunnys are really good at... doin' it! I got two rabbits and WOW they are like 5 years younger then me, and those bunnies get buzy like bumble bees! OOH NOW MAKE LOVE IN THIS CLUB IS ON! That really goes with are mood!

Well, Mommers is telling me my cookies are burnin' lik e e e e a toaster! HAHA! Cuz, ya see, i putta them in the toaster! HAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHAH!

LOVELY AFRO BOY LOVES YOU!

Totts,

Chad!


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: These entries drabble on forever if you haven't noticed! **

**Sharpay age 11.**

Dear Troy,

Yes I renamed you Troy! Doesn't it make you feel more manly, Diary?-- I mean Troy.

K, Troy, so the real Troy was IMing me today. It went a lil' something like this:

**HanMontanaISmyFaveShow78(2:41:20 PM):** Hey Shar!  
**GoingToGetKnockedUp87(2:41:23 PM):** Hola Troysie, how are you?!  
**HanMontanaISmyFaveShow78(2:42:10 PM):** Good, OMG did you see that new episode of The Hills?  
**GoingToGetKnockedUp87(2:42:23 PM): **OMG, JustinBobby is back!  
**HanMontanaISmyFaveShow78(2:42:24 PM): **Doesn't Audrina know better to mess wit him? She's been down that road before.  
**GoingToGetKnockedUp87(2:42:38 PM): **Well, HE MIGHT OF CHANGED! Gosh, Troy!  
**HanMontanaISmyFaveShow78(2:42:49 PM): **Puh-leez! Atleast Lauren knows when shes with a bad guy! Do you see her getting back with Jason anytime soon? NO! Little Audrina always goes and cries back to JustBob!  
**GoingToGetKnockedUp87(2:42:59 PM):** JustBob? Can you atleast spell his name out! Stop dissin' on Audrina.  
**HanMontanaISmyFaveShow78(2:43:46 PM): **Ugh, she deserves to be dissed! Did you see those nude pics she took? What a slut!  
**GoingToGetKnockedUp87(2:44:12 PM): **Well, so what! She was atleast going into her adult stage and has the right to take pictures. What if she was going to make a lil' career out of it? It's not like it was a incest shoot like Miley and her Dad?! They looked like a couple, um ew!  
**HanMontanaISmyFaveShow78(2:47:34 PM): **Oh Em Gee. You did not just trash my girl. You mess with Miley you mess with me. Back off now bitch, before you get what's coming at you, back off now.  
**GoingToGetKnockedUp87(2:49:23 PM): **Troy! I didn't mean it like that! I just had so much anger on my chest! Please forgive me.  
**Auto-response from HanMontanaISmyFaveShow78** **(2:49:23 PM): **Just, back off now.

Oh Diary, do you think Troy hates me now? That would be horrible... just horrible. Maybe I couple buy him that new Hannah Montana tee-shirt he's been craving. Maybe that would get me some lovin'?

NO! Wait, other then that problem I realize a problem in that problem: He loves Slutty Cyrus. Yes, I heard that on Perez's blog, but I liked it. How dare he like like that singin-acting-dancing-15-year-old-incest-slut-bag! He most love ME! The cute-funny-hot-blonde-blonde-blonde-actress-singer-dancer-NOT-slut-bag! I mean c'mon... Miley/Hannahersz is trying to be a BLONDE at the same time as being a BRUNNETTE while being a SLUT! Well... maybe that's the kind of girl Troy likes. Ooh! I no! I will create my own TV Show on MTV based on a girl named Sharpay who wants to be a rapper which she secretly is under the disguise of her Brunnete wig, making her Finn Brooklyn! Yes! Brooklyn. And then, not on the show, I will call up Vanity Fair and flash my pink bra online and do a suggestive photo shoot with ryan. And I will do a cover with my in a snapple label! Over my bare body. Beat that bitches!

Well, since that would take a long time, I decided to come up with a different plan.  
Here is how it goes:

1. Borrow my kitty's bow.  
2. Drop the bow in front of Chad.  
3. Go to bend down.  
4. Snap!  
5. Make sure Chad notices my Bend and Snap.  
6. Make a clever way to ask him out Saturday, but make it seem like her asked me.  
7. Make Chad drag Troy along.  
8. Borrow my cousin's stripper heels.  
9. 'Drop' my fork so it catches on the thread of my shirt.  
10. PUll it.  
11. The result of pulling out on it, rips it, thus the shirt breaks, thus I flash my pink bra.  
12. Troy gets turned on by my similarity of Miley Cyrus's naughty ways, making him propose to me, we get married, move to a big cottage in eastern England and have the Pleasure of making _many _babies... Oh, ya, we leave Chad in the restraunt to suffer in his pool of tears from his best friend stealing his fake date.

YES! Brilliant. And I get to still do the 'flashing of the bra' part! MUHAHA, Miley would be proud.  
Well, tootles... gotta gotsa go find Chad and get my cousins stripper shoes.

Bye Troy!

**A/N: No offence toward Miley, I just used her as an example since she was the only one I could think of who flashes her bra online.**


End file.
